chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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