It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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