he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
