Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
not ubering you a puppy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
