I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
