you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dicks are not precious.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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