I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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