so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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