You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Green mimosas i think yes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
