wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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