You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
