just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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