dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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