i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
