I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize