half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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