Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
