Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
