Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
