so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
