3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You pole danced in your parka.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
