I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
