Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Alive.
So much puke
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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