my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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