so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
