I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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