Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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