good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
