i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
