oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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