If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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