Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize