I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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