if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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