I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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