Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize