He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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