Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I currently don't understand fingers.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
