life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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