my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone came in the potted fern
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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