It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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