I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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