i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
