She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
