No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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