You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
