is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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