Im at strip club and am horny
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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