You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
