It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
