YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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