Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
