I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
