so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
