Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
