well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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