there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
