my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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