Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize