Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
