Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
