I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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