So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
