I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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