are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
