We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
