I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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