guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
