It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
