her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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