I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
