the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the condom got lost in my hair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
