So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
