hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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