my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize